That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
