It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
