pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
