and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
