I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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