youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
