And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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