we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
