she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
