I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
