All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize