Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
