Kiss
Puke
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
