so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
