One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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