So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
