I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
