I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm bleeding and have questions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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