just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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