My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
