he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
