Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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