Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
