I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
