I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
