Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
