If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
