Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
