I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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