I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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