I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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You made out with two different species that night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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