Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
