I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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