Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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