Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
