The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
