So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
