somebody snuck up and got me drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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