i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
