he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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