mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
