btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
