I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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