I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
