my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
