Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
