I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
