Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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