I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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