My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
