sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
