well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
