Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
