I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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