Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
