ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
