think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
