i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my shit smells like andre
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
