i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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