I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
