She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize