After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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