Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
