i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
