So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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