Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
