Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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