i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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