woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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