ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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