Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
