remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
