Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
