so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize