Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
