There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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