:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
