oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
