I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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